Love is Patient

"Love is Patient"

 [1 Corinthians 13:4]

 
I've always read this verse (and the rest of the passage) on a very surface level.
 God is love, so therefore God is patient - this is true, But it's more than that and I've been learning what it looks like in different relationships.  .

I know what the word patience means, but in my thoughts and my attitude though, it always meant that you 'have to' wait for something.
Technically true.

However I did look up the definition, because that's something I like to do and often gives more meaning to a word than the general concept in my head and it says:
"Able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious"

Which is way different than just having to wait for something, because it is very hard to do so in any situation, without anxiousness, annoyance or... complaining! 


So what does that look like? 

With romantic relationships it means being patient with each other though I can't specifically speak to that, since I am not in that kind of relationship, 

 So, for me right now, it means having patience and doing good to my future partner now, living well while waiting to meet that special someone and instead cultivating it within my friendships. 

So in friendships, this means to walk along-side my friends as they work through their own flaws, problems and encourage them on in the waiting times and the suffering (and the joyful) times in life to live out holiness through it all.  
To not complain about where my friends are in their journey but to encourage even when they stumble or don't have patience with themselves. To allow them to also have patience with me when I face the same things, and when I stumble. 
And also in my own life to not complain or worry about where I am in life verses where I think I should be. 

Another area of this that the Lord has been teaching me in is in concerns of my unsaved loved ones. Being patient in this area means persevering in prayer for them (a lot, without giving up), and equally as important, having the patience to trust God's wisdom in the timing and plan for their lives as well (again, all without anxiousness or complaining)! 

So that's what has been on my heart,
Hallelujah! 

Healing and Holiness

The past two months I've taken a lot of time to think, pray, journal and needed a lot of time to work things out with myself and with God about some deeply rooted thoughts and beliefs,
such as what I believe about marriage and family, relationships, generosity, friendships and anger or bitterness over things from my past. I've been taking them apart, examining what my experiences tell me, what God says about them, and what He can do with it.

Taking those things and allowing Him to *actually* have them, this little part of my heart that said
 "No, this is how it is and how it will always be because this is what I know"  I had kept all those darkest and painful 'truths' away from Him - because it's been there so long, most of my thoughts and attitudes decided upon as a pre-teen. By really giving them to God it meant knowing in my heart I'll have to give up that part of me that is 'allowed' to be bitter and angry and deeply sad about the past, clinging to lies that only create bigger strongholds, bit still knowing in my head that.. yea, God could change these things and what they are and mean to me but believing in my heart that it doesn't really matter.
There was a block from head knowledge to heart knowledge.

So I wrote out a list of lies I believed, and over the next few weeks when those things would come up in my thoughts I actually listened to the words that I thought... and then compared it to what God says is His way of how it should be and let me tell you I was surprised how back and forth my opinions were on some things - because I do know about what the bible says about marriage, about family, about bitterness and about joy and about many other things that I struggled with.

So the next step is telling those thoughts, and  the experiences I'd had were the only version of what could exist for me, that they were a lie.
This was true, this did happen, but I am new and do not have to hold on to this. That is what I started to hold on to instead.

I had a good cry about a good number of things, things I hadn't cried about in a long time, because i felt numb in what i believed  ...(because it could never change while i held onto it) but grieving over things allowed me to move on, to replace that belief with what the Lord says and what He's been telling my heart in all of this

And it has been so freeing, like a literal weight falling off of me, a darkness that can no longer hold me down!
 I'm not done yet, it will be a long and slow process, but I'm very glad for what has happened so far. It has allowed me to surrender more back to God, it's building character and transforming me, making me whole, and making me holy!

"If anyone is in Christ She is a new creation, the old is gone, the new is here" 

[2 Corinthians 5:17] 

"The Lord knows those who are His" 

[2 Timothy 2:19]

Hallelujah! :)

Jesus and the Great Divide

I've been reading through Matthew lately and have been thinking a lot about a particular spot in chapter 10. In verse 34 Jesus says "Do not suppose I have come to bring peace to earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword." 

Huh? This statement has confused me each time I happen across it... what does He mean? I thought He was the prince of peace? As I've thought on it I've had a few insights I'd like to share.

Of course verse 34 is placed right in between Jesus saying that "whoever acknowledges Him before others, He will acknowledge before the father / whoever disowns Him before others He will disown before the Father" and "I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother" 

A few chapters later Jesus is talking about the Parable of the sower in Chapter 13, about the different responses or reactions to the seed or the word, because Jesus is telling the crowds and His disciples that people are going to have different responses to who He is and what He says.

He is creating a great divide.

One in the here-and-now, turning a man against father and daughter against mother.
Another in the final judgement, those who acknowledge Him and those who don't.

"Whoever is not with me is against me" [Matt.12:30]
"The sheep and the goats" [Matt. 25:32]

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" [Hebrews 4:12]

You are either on one side of the sword or the other. The people of His culture were divided and the divide became more obvious as the distinction between those who followed Him and those who didn't grew. 

Yet, while Jesus has caused a great divide on earth, He is also repairing the great divide that sin has caused.

" The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. 

 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

[Romans 6:10-11]

"For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his." [Romans 6:5]

Hallelujah! 

Drawing

Three weeks ago, out of the blue, I picked up my sketchbook grabbed some pencils and knew I needed to draw something.
Now I love art but most of my focus has been on the mediums water colour and photography the last couple years. So normally when I get the inclination to draw or sketch there is a reason.


I sat staring at a blank page when God told me to draw a hand reaching out.

As soon as I finished drawing that and adding the details to it, He told me to draw a pedestal, so I did. Then He said... draw many more, fill the page with them. Next he said to draw things on top of the pedestals. Then a sludgy looking bog, with a few of the pedestals sinking into it.

Then God gave me the significance of it.

That we have so many idols within our grasp. Some are bigger than others, some are higher than others, but they will all sink eventually.

The more I looked at it the more parallels seemed to pop out at me. Artistically speaking it's sort of a miserable looking piece, it feels chaotic, the landscape is bleak and unappealing, everything is slightly askew, it is certainly not beautiful and the longer I looked at it the more depressed I felt.

Since I had no plan of drawing this it was particularly significant and I think God will use it to be a message and reminder to myself and others.

Here it is:

Hey Bud!

I've had an interesting month where I've been asking God a lot about 'what's next' in my life.

And I kept asking... what's next? And...God says, wait, I am working. 

One morning, I was feeling particularly down about something, and God asked me to go to the window and look at the maple tree in my backyard. It's a big ol' tree and the branches hang down a bit, so I got a good view. 

We seem to be having a late Spring here so the tree is still just budding at the end of May.

 Some of those buds are closer to turning into full fledged leaves while others are still closed up, some are higher up in the tree, at the beginning of a branch, some in the middle, some at the ends,  some are in bunches and some have their own little twig and are budding on their own. 

I really did spend a long time looking at the different branches and state of budding process. 

Later in the afternoon I was way at the back corner of my yard, looking at the tree from a different angle (and distance) and the tree looked completely bare. You could hardly see any green on it, even though I knew perfectly well from my earlier inspection that there was lots growing and happening on that tree! 



It reminded me of Isaiah 43:19:

See, I am doing a new thing!

    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

Do you not perceive it?  And No... a lot of the time we don't perceive it.  

I keep expecting big things, grand changes when asking what's next.

But honestly, the Lord has been teaching me and showing me all sorts of different little things this year - all of which are really valuable, that I say 'God I want to be more faithful in this or that' and it really has been helping me grow! 

I may not be where this or that person is in a certain area of my life.

And that's okay, I don't need to be.  And neither do you.

Looking at that tree God taught me that the evidence of a bud is a promise of  a bloom! 

And I just need to look closely to perceive it and wait for it to show! 

Can't Get No Satisfaction

All throughout the bible God tells us to be thankful and praise Him for what we have and what He has done. And rightly so, He deserves it all!

[There; that is a whole blog post in in itself, but I will go on]

Because I know God, I know He has our best in mind when He asks things of us, such as being thankful and praising Him for it.
There have been many scientific studies done that show people who are thankful for what they have are generally happier both mentally and emotionally.
 This doesn't particularly surprise me because God made us and knew gratitude and thankfulness would be good for us, mentally and emotionally. .

I also know that God is most concerned for our spiritual needs.

In my own life I've noticed that when I tend to be neglectful of being thankful, well... then I start to grumble about this little thing or that little thing and I suddenly find myself in an attitude where I am not satisfied with my life (!) in the season and place and circumstances God has placed me. And THAT is dangerous.

Thinking on my own life, all the times that I've chosen willful sin is because I wasn't satisfied with something. I was looking outside of the sphere of my own life into others to see what they had and I didn't and searching for...something else. It's a slippery slope, as you search for something else, you neglect the people and things in your life that ends up causing more problems.

I think many have been in this place, are still there or are slipping into it.

Saying this I don't believe it is wrong to pray for a change in circumstances or things that you do not have, but I've learned that it is important to wait on God and be content in that duration of time.
This helps in not falling into the stronghold of dissatisfaction.
 But God is faithful and able to bring you out from this place, which is just one more thing to thank Him for!

These verses from Psalm 63 [1-5] I found particularly beautiful:

You, God, are my God,

    earnestly I seek you;

I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you,

in a dry and parched land

    where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

 

Because your love is better than life,

    my lips will glorify you.

 

I will praise you as long as I live,

    and in your name I will lift up my hands.

 

I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;

    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

Be satisfied my friends! 

Entrusted

 "He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,  but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.  And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher.  That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." 

~2 Timothy 1:9-12~

I read these verses a couple nights ago and felt so refreshed reading them, part of verse 12 particularly stood out to me:

"...because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day." 

Here Paul was talking about how he had entrusted his very life to God, his life (and ours) include situations, problems, people whatever else you can possibly think of. These things that worry us, that we often have so little control over can be so overwhelming. 

As I was reading over the verse again yesterday, I found it funny that the word 'entrusted' was used and not just trusted. So I looked up the definition of both words: 

Trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

Entrust: Put something into someone's care or protection.

After reading that I just thought... wow, what a difference! 

"Because I know whom I have believed..." not only was Paul able to trust (believe and know in his head), but entrust (taking that trust into action) God with everything. 

So what have we entrusted to him? Anything we give over to Him is so freeing for us, and He is glad when we do! Because He is able to guard whatever it is! Hallelujah! 

Recognition

"The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law" 

~Mark 1:22~

I often wonder what it was like to hear the pharisee's teach/preach. This passage says that they taught with no authority. Perhaps they no longer really believed what they taught, it sounds like they loved their convictions in the laws or traditions they had had made and they loved the version of God they had created to replace the true God. 

In verse 27; after Jesus casts a demon out of a man "The people were amazed"  and were asking if this was 'new teaching'! 

The fact that the pharisee's and Jesus's teachings seemed to be so different that the people thought it was new ...seems a little crazy to me. 

~  ~  ~

A few weeks ago, during a worship time I got this picture in my mind.

In it, I was walking down the street in a city. There were lots of other people walking on the sidewalks, and then I saw Jesus - he was on the other side of the street going the other way. I called out "Lord!" I was so excited to see him there! He smiled but didn't turn around, and it was crazy because no body else on the street seemed to know who it was. I wanted to run across the street to walk with him but I knew I couldn't be with him yet, because he had to get somewhere and had some work to do.

And that was it.

~  ~  ~

These two things may seem a little unconnected. But they are both about knowing Jesus.
I don't want to be unfamiliar with God's words,  I hope I may always recognize it and know it's not a new teaching but the same God yesterday today and forever, something the pharisee's could not do.

And I want to recognize Him when he 'passes by'. Where ever I am, in whatever situation, whether it's busy or not... that I might see Him in my life,  to know He is working right now or is going to work. I want to recognize that and be unashamedly excited when I do! :) 

Full

It has been a very interesting couple of months since I last wrote a blog post. Even now I don't have anything specific to write about  but God has been doing a lot in my life.

For the beginning of 2019 God gave me this verse for the year:
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." [ Psalm 111:10]  And one thing He has been showing me how important it is to honour Him, and that REALLY, truly fearing the Lord will cause us to live holy lives.

The second thing God has been showing me this month is how rich and full He makes life!

This 'fullness' is not to be confused with busyness, or just when you're having good times.

Because in the last few months not everything has been good. I've experienced grief and loss, miraculous provision, Godly community, persecution, discouragement, encouragement, busyness and slowness, family changes, confusion/anxiousness about the future, worshipful nights, all sorts of highs and lows...

..but through it all I have been fully satisfied with God's working and presence in my life and the places, people and situations He has brought me to and placed me in.
 Real contentedness deep within that I've never known this well before, and it is so beautiful!


*I was about to finish off this post with the above line but God brought this verse from Isaiah 26:3 to my brain
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You"

I found this particularly encouraging because the context of this verse within the book of Isaiah. Chapter 24 is describing impending judgement and devastation upon the earth and yet chapters 25 & 26 are praising the Lord.  Keep trusting Him! 

That's all for now!

The Mystery

I love a good story. And one genre that I and many other people love are mysteries. There are tons of books, movies, TV shows and one page magazine stories all dedicated to this intriguing genre.

I love when the author puts clues into the story from the very beginning, it shows a well thought out plan, that they knew what they were doing... Because once you get to the reveal, the little hints all start to add up and reveal the conclusion, and it becomes obvious - this was the author's plan from the beginning, this is the mark of a really good mystery.

God has done this. He has authored the greatest mystery ever to be told.


The new testament is peppered with the word but I would say there isn't anything particularly awe-inspiring about a mystery in itself, most of the time as a character's story [or real life] is working it's way along there are things that don't make sense; confusion, pain, heartbreak and wondering. We don't have the answers to our own life questions - or anybody else's, why did this or that happen to me, we don't know the future. Like in a novel we only know what has so far taken place.

And so the awe is not in what is not yet known in regards to 'the mystery of the gospel', but in what has already been revealed! 

The words of this song convey it better than I ever could -

Come behold the wondrous mystery, in the dawning of the King 

He the theme of heaven’s praises, robed in frail humanity 

In our longing, in our darkness, now the light of life has come 

Look to Christ, who condescended, took on flesh to ransom us. 

Come behold the wondrous mystery, he the perfect Son of Man 

In his living, in his suffering, never trace nor stain of sin 

See the true and better Adam, come to save the hell-bound man 

Christ the great and sure fulfillment of the law, in him we stand. 

Come behold the wondrous mystery, Christ the Lord upon the tree 

In the stead of ruined sinners hangs the Lamb in victory 

See the price of our redemption, see the Father’s plan unfold 

Bringing many sons to glory, grace unmeasured, love untold 

Come behold the wondrous mystery, slain by death the God of life 

But no grave could e’er restrain him, praise the Lord, He is alive 

What a foretaste of deliverance, how unwavering our hope 

Christ in power resurrected, as will we be when he comes.

A mystery is: "something that is difficult or impossible to understand or explain" And yes, it is certainly impossible to understand because His ways and thoughts are so above our own!
I'm going to step into the role of detective for just a second, though I don't understand or comprehend all of these things He has done and revealed I will suggest the motive. Love.

The song above and the whole of the bible tells us what has (so far) been  revealed.

And... it is  just so amazing! 

And oh yea, God is not done working and revealing His plan for us all yet! Hallelujah!

The Work of God

 When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”

 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. 27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

 Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”

 Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”

~[John 6: 25-29]~

I've always really loved these verses and my attention has always been grabbed by the use of the word 'work', three times in three little verses.

 The work of God is to believe in the one he has sent. I've repeated those words over and over in my head wondering...what does that really mean? What does that look like? 

Work is something you do everyday. Something you have to put effort into...Everyday. Believing in the One He has sent - Jesus. And standing on the promises He has made!

To do the works God requires I must first believe in the one He has sent. It takes work to pray and pray persistently - but I must believe the one who I am praying to can (and will) answer!

It takes work to worship but I must believe and trust the one I am worshiping.

It takes work to go out and serve but I must believe that this work is not for 'food' that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life. 

 It takes work to obey God, but I must believe that He is who He says He is, abide in Him, remember that believing in Him is the reason for all this work and in the midst of it that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. :)

Ducks In A Row

I took this picture the other night and thought of the phrase "Having all your ducks in a row" and then I started laughing because, at first glance this picture certainly looks pretty organized, the ducks are in a row, they've got everything together, just like they should have.

And I just felt like writing a short little something about the expectation to have everything together and have a plan. Yes, it's good to be organized and to plan things, but God is ultimately the one with the plan for us, the master blueprint.

A lot of people, younger people especially, feel the pressure to have it all figured out or have a totally reliable 'plan' for life like "At this age I should be at this stage doing this or that..."  And if  this or that thing hasn't happened, we compare ourselves to others around us. When we have this plan not working out how we want it to we ask the question 'why?' a lot...because those are hard things to wrestle with. I just want to encourage anyone who may be thinking along these lines a lot lately to trust God with the blueprint, with the ultimate plan, and then to keep trusting Him.

Because really, when you take a second look at this picture, you'll notice that none of the ducks are looking the same direction and the forth one isn't even facing the same way, it looks all perfectly lined up... but you know, a minute later those ducks swam off and most certainly were not in a row.

Desperate

A lot of people have a hard time asking for help, let alone asking for help while drawing attention to yourself.
 It would be highly unusual to see somebody running down the street or crawling or shouting after somebody, let alone one particular person... 'Help me! Please!'
It would be seen as weakness, pathetic, embarrassing and...desperate. Nobody wants to appear truly desperate, our pride won't let us.

And I wonder how deeply this affects our spiritual lives as well...
How often do we *desperately* come to Jesus? I know for myself it's when there is a major crisis and I'm sure many would probably say the same (whether they'd like to admit it or not)

There has not been any crisis or emergency in my life recently - for which I'm thankful, but as I was reading through the gospels the other night, I saw example after of example of all people coming to Jesus, desperately seeking Him out, desperately asking for help or healing with their situations,  breaking societal politeness, embarrassing themselves in front of crowds of people and I thought, "Wow those people must have *REALLY* needed Jesus", (As if I don't).

Now I'm not saying I'm going to be making a spectacle of myself in public, but this mini realization has challenged me to be more desperate in seeking Him and His will, in praying, in trusting, obeying and enjoying Jesus and break down this mentality that God will find it embarrassing if I'm grieving over situations in mine or other's lives, that I might be 'annoying' if I keep asking Him about this, or for this or that. Because God is not me, or any other person, He won't get annoyed, or think I or anyone else is pathetic.
This 'weakness', this desperateness in coming after Him will be made into strength, as long as we remain unashamed before Him.

Retreat

The last week and a half I've been on retreat. Except this retreat featured the brilliant lime green walls of the room I share with my younger sister. Sounds refreshing eh?

The last few months I've been really busy, which is something I'm usually not... at least not consistently for several months on end.. and it started to get overwhelming all this keeping busy... So with God's prompting I decided I needed to retreat. There were still commitments I couldn't avoid - work, household chores that sort of stuff. But I cancelled my social plans, And didn't make new ones.

I'm not saying being busy or overly social is a sin, but for me it was hindering the time and energy I had to talk to God, which honestly was very little and very shallow.

 So on my evenings and days off I sat and got to think, reflect and enjoy the peace and quiet. I reflected on things that were and weren't drawing me closer to God and just started to ask Him what He wanted of me...because I didn't really have a clear idea anymore (PS. Still working on that)

I thought about the prayer that is in 2 Chronicles 20. In this chapter King Jehoshaphat is told a vast army is coming against him and so he addresses the people in the temple with a prayer and he ends it in verse 12 with "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" 
And I found that so encouraging - so refreshing! Though I do not and never have had a vast army come against me or my nation, I understood that overwhelmed feeling, the 'something's gotta change or else I'm toast' scenario. So that was one thing that God said to me.

 But the main thing He kept saying to me was to grow in my knowledge of Him, to learn of God and who He is in a deeper way and to better discern in the future whatever social plans, projects and other commitments are going to help rather than hinder in this area of my life.

That's all for now!

Free Indeed

I have walked in darkness, I have cried through the night
I'm sinking in a storm, I am trapped in a battle - that I'm too weak to fight..

Oh sinner come stand in the light

Then the son He said
 to me, be free
The Son He said - go and sin no more

Whom the son set free is
Free Indeed,
Oh free indeed.

Alone in my sorrows, alone in this world,
Crying out -do you hear me, will somebody save me?

Chains were holding, darkness was gripping on tight
I was trapped in a battle , I was too weak to fight

Then the son He said
 to me, be free

Holding on to the things not intended for me
Grieved when I should have let go
Surrendering now is the most joyful thing,
oh free, yes free indeed!

Then the son He said
 to me, be free

Whom the son set free is
Free Indeed,
That is me, oh free indeed.

Free forever, Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a poem I wrote several months ago and have just now felt the need to post it.

I completed this sketch last week and well I didn't plan on posting this either but it goes perfectly and is based on the verse repeated in the poem. So I thought I would share. Hope this encourages somebody out there! :) 

Use This

The last six or seven weeks as I've settled into a new routine and stage in my life so I've been asking God some questions. Questions like ''What do I do with the things and talents I have now?'' ''When will this thing or that thing happen in my life?'' "Why is this situation happening to my friend?" "God, How could you possibly use this?"

And He said to me:
I will show you what to do with the things and talents you have,
I will use this time in your life whether this thing or that thing happens,
I know it hurts to see friends and loved ones struggle, but there is a purpose to it,
 Child, I can use everything and anything you could possibly give me for good.


So for the last couple weeks, my prayer has been "Lord, use this"

Whether it applies individually - my time, energy, talents, money, heartbreaks, or joys.
Sometimes it's easy to look around in your own life, at things that are largely within your control and ask God to use it for His glory.

But things that are far reaching, not particularly related to me at all, such as a brutal murder you've heard about on the news, or terrible injustice done to someone on the other side of the planet, makes people wonder if God can really use things this tragic for good.

But God is SO good and so faithful! He has used injustice, cruelty and slavery and brought good from it, He has used heartbreak of every kind and used it for good, He has used happy, joyful things and brought more joy to them, He has brought forth goodness from hopeless situations, He is able to redeem peoples, nations and situations, He brought used the death of His own son to bring good.

Therefore, ask Him to use whatever you have and are, even when it seems silly if you ask Him:

'Even this Lord?'  He will answer.
"Yes, even this."

Dehydrated Grapes

The past couple weeks God has been convicting me in some areas of my life and asking me to take action and let some things go. And I've been fighting, telling myself that my sins aren't really that bad (in comparison to others), I've ignored my own personal convictions. Because when I'm not actively pursuing God, not focused on Him, sin looks really attractive and is tempting.

 I've had to be be honest with myself, and learn to understand that I and every one else have weaknesses, We all have one (or a couple) things that would immediately come to mind here and it really does affect my (and your) relationship with God.

So this week I asked Him for the strength to give up those things and to turn away from them. And I felt an incredible weight off of my heart and so much freedom, freedom to be joyful (after some tears) and spend time in God's presence rather than trying to 'hide' from Him and be half-hearted in my worship 

"Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" -John 8:36

 Those were the words from scripture I kept thinking about that day - I had resolved (for the past couple weeks) to get right and honest with God and myself, but like New year's resolutions, convictions can start to slip away awfully quickly, and the temptation to turn and run away from God again was there because well honestly, it's just really hard to let go. 

The next day, after my talk with God and personal reflection, I was packing some grapes in my lunch for work and...well... the grapes had maybe been in the fridge too long and dried out... because when I went to pull them off the stem they just fell off. I barely had to touch them, let alone put in the effort to pull them away.
Suddenly this strange little picture hit me, and made me think of Jesus' illustration of being the Vine in John 15.

 I realized that my intentions were to stick to my resolve on my own, with no one's help. That I was so much like that little grape, falling right off the vine because it was dehydrated - and not asking the one who has living water (Always and in abundance) to keep me attached to the Vine. And so that morning as I packed my lunch I asked God for help - to keep me close, to abide in me. I had no other words because I knew if I didn't I would fall (again) without much prodding. 

The rest of this week has been pretty amazing!  Each day God has been keeping me close and giving me a verse that has been so encouraging, that I've been able to meditate on and focus on Him rather than other things. 
Yesterday He gave me a verse from Psalm 27: [13]

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" 

And God really does intend good things for us! This verse made me think about even though it can be painful to surrender things to Him, that it doesn't seem like giving it up IS a good thing, it is for our ultimate good in this lifetime and the next! 

Earlier in this Psalm in verses 4 & 5 it says:
"One thing I ask from the Lord,  this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock."

I love that David - in dwelling in the house of the Lord and in seeking Him is 'Confident, that he will see the goodness of the Lord' Because it's SO true because God ''rewards those who diligently seek Him''! [Hebrews 11:6]. 

The last thing I want to add is another verse that God gave me today which was 2 Corinthians 13:5: "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?" 

So I would encourage everyone to examine themselves and surrender to God those things He may be asking you to no longer ignore in your life, to earnestly seek Him and that you too will see His goodness!  :)