When I was 5 I went to Sunday school like any kid. But I was never able to sit still or be quiet (something I still have trouble with). So the people running the Sunday school told me to 'come back after I'd learned to settle down' Thus I was sort of kicked out of Sunday school. My mother tried taking me to church with her but the situation was the same. I was constantly moving or chatting, eventually we just stopped going.
I grew up believing that God existed and that He created the universe, that's what my parents believed. But that was the extent of any kind of religion in my life.
11 years later is when I first started to turn to God. It had been several months since I'd broken up with my first boyfriend (after the heartache subsided) I was feeling empty and wanted something else in my life, but I didn't know what I was searching for.
That summer my Grandma became very sick and on the verge of death. That was the first time I ever prayed. I felt a great sense of comfort and surprisingly better, despite the circumstances. After that I started reading the New Testament to figure out what it was all about. I didn't believe in any 'immaculate conception'. My opinion on the matter was somewhat like this 'Ok, I guess it's possible, I mean, it's God right?... But I highly doubt it'.
As I continued to read, I started to believe it, and what it said, But I still had huge amounts of doubt.
During a period of the next 5 months I asked my one and only Christian friend (who I'd become close with over the summer) a lot of questions. And he invited me to his youth group one night.
During the worship time of the evening while everyone was singing along to songs I started to feel terrible, to the point of feeling nauseous. I also felt very unwelcome and the nearly unbearable urge to get out of there as fast as I could. I took some deep breaths and didn't move. No one was aware of the internal battle going on with me. After 3 or 4 minutes the feeling passed, but needless to say, I did not go back when I was invited again.
Over the next 7 months I continued to read. Although I didn't do anything else in terms of my spirituality.
In October I went with my friend and his family to a concert in which the family/band sings, dances, and preaches. It was a great concert and a great pleasure to meet them. (They really are inspirational people to me!) After this concert and meeting these people, I made the decision to really get involved and to have a relationship with Jesus. I nervously went back to the youth group (and did not feel nauseous this time) and i have been going regularly for about 3 months. I am also a student leader at YFC (Youth for Christ) and may join a friend in her church's choir for their Easter Cantata.
There are still some days where I question my relationship with Jesus and God, but i can see how much it has changed me in so many ways over the last year and a half! And that encourages me to keep going!
My journey is just starting! :)
