Longing for the past

There has been a lot of discontentment within my heart lately. The last 7 weeks to be more precise, because seven weeks ago I moved to a new city, with room mates, started a new college program after working full time for a year. I feel like I just wrote a similar post, about being discontent... and it has honestly been a struggle. There has been a lot of spiritual darkness surrounding these new transitions and coming at me in ways which I'm vulnerable to. And I've been wondering 'Why can't it be like the first time I was at college?' Why can't it be just like that? Why can't I be there?
Well this week I was there for a few days, I went and revisited that city and enjoyed it very much, seeing old friends and visiting the people and places I care for, reminiscing on the people and places where I left pieces of my heart. I took a walk out to my old favourite prayer place and I asked God 'why can't I be HERE?'

"You had your time here, you learned what you needed to learn, did what I asked you to do, it's time to do the same somewhere else"

Well this is the point where I started to cry. Because I knew, that I no longer had a life here, that it was good to visit and look back on the good and to think of what I learned from the good and the bad - because as much as I try to sugar coat it - there were hard times over the course of the two years I was there.

And then I was reminded of when some of the disciples went back to fishing after Jesus's death, they went back to what they had been doing, not sure what to do with themselves, on auto pilot. And that's not something I want to do.  The Lord made it very clear to me that I'm to do what I'm needed to do where I am now, to do it with integrity and that He will help me through it.

So that was my lesson this this week, if you're in transition, or somewhere new, there's a reason, you may not like all of it, or most of  it but somehow God will use it in your life, He can help to change your heart and your attitude towards it if you ask and He will help!