Pro Life

I love babies, anyone who knows me, knows I love looking at adorable baby pictures, tiny little outfits, holding little fingers snuggles. And every time I hold a baby I think of God and remember and am thankful that He's the author of all life, it's so amazing to learn about child development - from conception and on wards because it's a total display of God's glory!

Around this time of year, I'm especially heartbroken by the thought of abortion. This may be a strange thing to think of and pair up with the Christmas season - I could write a blog post attacking commercialism of this season but I'm not going to go there.

When I think of the baby in the manger sometimes I think of mothers who feel ashamed that they're pregnant, of those who can't afford the cost of having and raising a child, for those who were assaulted and raped, those who for any reason feel like they have no other option. And yes, it does make me angry to know that in many cases that little life is going to be snuffed out because destroying the life is destroying a part of God's masterpiece and a piece of His very own heart.

But mostly, it makes me have compassion on all those mothers who have had to face the decision.
I had a dream a few months ago and in this dream I faced that decision  and I wept for a long time after I woke up. I know I haven't had to face such a situation in reality, but many have, and that dream was so real to me that I think I can start to understand the emotions of such a reality.  It was truly terrifying.

While the killing of unborn children and destruction of life is horrible and wrong I also think of another reason that makes the thought of abortions burden my heart.

I believe God the Father loves His son Jesus more than anything else in the universe.

And I know that God chose to place His son in a womb for 9 months as the safest, most secure place that He would ever be. From the time Jesus was born He was hunted down by Herod and then eventually by religious leaders trying to take His life, the womb was the place where He was safe. And to violate that sacred place, and kill any life in it... is heartbreaking.




* I want to add that Abortion isn't a stand alone issue, and that "Pro Life" doesn't just mean Pro Life until a baby is born. It also means helping those families who do choose life - when maybe, the decision was hard to make. It means helping feed and clothe them and to help improve that life of the child and parents if it is in your power to do so.


And so as I sit on Christmas eve and think about Jesus in a small baby body, as a toddler, a teen, an adult -  I'm pretty thankful for life!

Remember

It's exam season and that means I'm burdened with test reviews from five different teachers on six different subjects of all the things I need to remember!
But perhaps burdened is the wrong word. I know there is a reason that my teachers want and need me to remember the majority of the things I'm learning... because it will be helpful and beneficial to me in my future career.

In the same way God asks us not to forget some  important things that will be beneficial and helpful to us, which is why throughout the bible He has continual reminders to help us remember.



I've composed a list of four things God asks us not to forget, so here they are:

1. Do Not Forget The Lord  
    This one seems like a no brainer but Chapter 8 of Deuteronomy is dedicated to this. God through the remainder of this book is going to give them a collection of laws surrounding their worship, theirs leaders, priests and kings as well as laws on civil life and social justice. So if they're about to get all these laws directly FROM God doesn't that mean they'll automatically remember Him?

Nope, and it's clear throughout the wandering in the desert, as the people go through their daily life they get caught up in the routine, they complain, they wonder why they are in the middle of a desert.

 Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down,  and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied,  then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
[Deuteronomy 8:11-14] 

 

WE do this as we go about our daily life too, we forget that He's a part of it, that He's the very reason for life. And so God reminds them and reminds us -  I am here - providing for you daily and I intend to bless you.  


2.  Do Not Forget His Laws, Commandments and Teaching
  Constantly through both the Old and New testament God is telling us to remember His laws, commandments and teaching.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity 

[Proverbs 3:1-2]  

“If you love me, keep my commands..." [John 14:15]

God wants us to live holy lives pleasing to Him. Unfortunately if we don't know or remember these teachings we tend to make up our own version of it, based on what we 'kinda' remember, eventually we only remember the basics and do only what is easy, what suits us, and what everyone else in the world is doing. God gives us these laws, commandments and teachings because they ARE trustworthy and they preserve our (spiritual) lives.


3. Do Not Forget The Message You Have Heard
   This one is interconnected to the previous two. We must remember Him and His teachings because they are part of His message, who He is (Father, Son, Spirit) and His teachings reveal His character.

The message is this: His plan of salvation available to all and redemption of the human race through Christ.

This message is TRUE. But it means little if we know about God or know His teaching as a list of rules but don't understand the real purpose behind knowing it. God sent His own son because He wanted us to know this message and remember it, to hold onto when the trails come because when we don't  remember, to put it very simply: our lives will lack any meaning at all.



4. Do Not Forget That He Will Not Forget You 
  People fear being alone, lonely or unloved. We tend to feel this way when we think or feel like everyone has forgotten about us. Going back to the last three points: Why would we care or even want to remember someone and their message/teachings if we think they will forget about us after a while? We wouldn't, and so we forget about that person too and whatever it was that they may have taught.
But God has made covenants and promises to His people that He upholds. I can imagine that it's difficult to forget the people who are engraved on the palm of your hands [Isaiah 49:16], or those that you said you would be with until the end of the age [Matthew 28:20] or One who has promised over and over again to never leave us or forsake us. 

Because He remembers us, loves us and asks us to remember these things, are more than enough reason to do so! 

Construction

Our lives are built on day by day, thoughts, habits, attitudes and actions,  

 brick by brick we build up who we are. 

A few nights ago I was listening to the song 'Cornerstone' and I thought of this verse:

 You are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household,  built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone.  In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.  And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit. 

Ephesians 2: 19-22 

This verse is talking about how through Christ the Jews and Gentiles are all God's people and that though there are differences in language, culture, history they're all now built on the most important part of what built the house - the cornerstone. 

A similar verse in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says: 

 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 

Scripture gives us a clear picture that we are temples. Built brick by brick, day by day. 

Sometimes temples need to be torn down though, the temple we dedicate to ourselves that is. I recently celebrated five years since becoming a Christian!  Those first few months were especially hard, because the temple I'd been building to myself for my seventeen years of life had to be demolished. A new design, a detailed plan was made by God for this new temple.
 And then a rebuild had to start happening. 

So  what is the difference between a cornerstone and any other stone?

Despite my very basic knowledge of masonry, I know that it is the first stone that is put down and all the other stones are set in reference to it.  And so the rebuild begins, with Christ as reference to every other piece - and realistically every piece should be similar to the first one... 

But the rubble from that old temple remains... And sometimes we pick up a brick from the rubble pile and try to cement it in with the other bricks. And we know it doesn't quite belong anymore - 

For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. 

1 Corinthians 3: 11-13

Whatever you rebuild with it shows.

Whether that's an old cracked piece that we've tried to put back together ourselves or a certain brick we really loved and couldn't let go of.  It may hide behind another layer, or  be a brick that is only seen on the inside of the building, but it's still there and contributes to the structural soundness of the whole temple.  

 Remember to build with care. 

Longing for the past

There has been a lot of discontentment within my heart lately. The last 7 weeks to be more precise, because seven weeks ago I moved to a new city, with room mates, started a new college program after working full time for a year. I feel like I just wrote a similar post, about being discontent... and it has honestly been a struggle. There has been a lot of spiritual darkness surrounding these new transitions and coming at me in ways which I'm vulnerable to. And I've been wondering 'Why can't it be like the first time I was at college?' Why can't it be just like that? Why can't I be there?
Well this week I was there for a few days, I went and revisited that city and enjoyed it very much, seeing old friends and visiting the people and places I care for, reminiscing on the people and places where I left pieces of my heart. I took a walk out to my old favourite prayer place and I asked God 'why can't I be HERE?'

"You had your time here, you learned what you needed to learn, did what I asked you to do, it's time to do the same somewhere else"

Well this is the point where I started to cry. Because I knew, that I no longer had a life here, that it was good to visit and look back on the good and to think of what I learned from the good and the bad - because as much as I try to sugar coat it - there were hard times over the course of the two years I was there.

And then I was reminded of when some of the disciples went back to fishing after Jesus's death, they went back to what they had been doing, not sure what to do with themselves, on auto pilot. And that's not something I want to do.  The Lord made it very clear to me that I'm to do what I'm needed to do where I am now, to do it with integrity and that He will help me through it.

So that was my lesson this this week, if you're in transition, or somewhere new, there's a reason, you may not like all of it, or most of  it but somehow God will use it in your life, He can help to change your heart and your attitude towards it if you ask and He will help!

Turn your mind away

"But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be lead astray from your pure and sincere devotion to Christ."
~2 Corinthians 11:3~ 

I came across this verse and was really struck by a couple things. First, that Paul is afraid for them, I'm not sure why that word stuck out to me as I read this verse but when I consider it, our minds being lead astray is something to be very afraid of. 

Our minds are often where sin starts. 

Consider Eve, she entertained the thought of taking the apple before she acted on it. 

Someone doesn't typically steal without contemplating or considering doing it first. 

Our thoughts  become our actions if we are not actively repenting of sinful thoughts - But sometimes we're not aware of our sinful thoughts, it's ingrained in our nature, the very core of who we as a human race are now, BUT we are also still deceived by the serpent's cunning. Sometimes it's blatant obvious sin that our train of thought travels in, sometimes it's half truths that seem harmless or very reasonable to our flawed minds, sometimes it's worldly entertainment and distractions that can become idols in our lives. 

I've had some real conviction in this area of my own life lately and wanted to write this post as a reminder. 

We can not have a pure and sincere devotion to Christ if we are being deceived or constantly allowing our minds to stray,  we can not serve two masters. 

A step back

I've gone back to post-secondary ! Yup, I'm stepping back into the world of class schedules, assignments, group projects and living away from home cooked meals.  I'm excited to be back in a time of expanding my knowledge again but as excited as I am for that the past week of moving away from friends and the town I know has made me quite discontent. Not that I don't like the people and classmates I've met here - but  I just want to be around the people who know me well, the things and places I know and love.

I don't want to feel lonely and alone, as I was thinking about all this late last night and early this morning I needed to take a big step back, breathe and stop listening to all the whining, the doubts, the fears - and that's when God started talking.

He reminded me that I don't need to be lonely, that I'm not alone. That my desire to be around what I know is a reminder saying to me that my soul desire's to be known by Him, not necessarily everyone else.
 He reminded me that my excitement for expanding my knowledge in school should not overpower my excitement to gain more knowledge of Him and that it should always be my  priority because I will need to know Him to live my life more than I will need my skills of using proper interventions, assessing clients or therapeutic programming.

Hopefully, this can be an encouragement and reminder to anyone else that needs it right now! :)

The wise and the foolish builders

"Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

~Matthew 7:24-27~ 

I've always liked this parable, though I thought it a little bit obvious, to me it wasn't the most shocking thing that Jesus said - if you know even a little bit about building houses, you know that you NEED to build a house on a sturdy foundation, or it will eventually crack and crumble away.  

But as I was discussing this with a group of people a few months ago and was struck by something that had never occurred to me before about the two foundations in the parable, the obvious answer is to build the house on the rock - it's the wise thing to do...but the thing about sand is that it is made up of very small rocks. 

This is why we're told to examine things to test whether they are true according to scripture. Because it is so very easy to read or hear something that sounds like it's biblical and there may be an underlying biblical principle in there but it has been warped and then taken for truth, but it's merely sand and not solid rock. 

So I just wanted to take the time to share this insight so that others can ponder it and see if there are any thoughts and beliefs held that will be destroyed when rain and storms come. 

Casting the first stone

I've been thinking a lot about judgement in our culture the last few days and how it has come to have such a negative feeling to it. When in reality it is meant to be used to put an end to a dispute or issue, it is meant for the good of often bad or 'iffy' situations.
See below the definition of judgement.

"Judgement: The ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions"

Believers in Christ are meant to judge those within the church, who profess faith in Christ as well
 [1 Corinthians 5:12]. But I believe that we are to continually rely on the holy spirit to be able to make any kind of righteous judgement towards another or when pointing out something in another's life as it says in Matthew 7:1-5 and that we must show mercy in doing so.


I don't think judgement is the issue in this culture, I think that people too often confuse the term judgement with condemnation.

To condemn means: "to express complete disapproval or to sentence someone to punishment/death"

There is a huge difference in those definitions.  

See the thing that got me thinking about this was the story from John 8:

"The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group  and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?”  They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

I love this story, because Jesus uses righteous judgement to tell the woman that yes, she is living in sin and to leave it. But I always wonder what became of her, did she turn from it because she was shown a merciful judgement or was it easier to go back to her sin. I would really like to know the answer one day. 

But until that day I want to strive to show mercy, not cast the stones of death. Because I know that mercy can be the difference between someone turning from their sin or that person returning to it, to a path that leads to death over those condemning them. 

A poem

As I spent some time with God tonight  I had some very eye opening moments about how my own prayer life has been lately which resulted in some tears and this poem that He gave me. I was amazed when it was all typed out that it echoes something of the pattern of many of the psalms in the bible - focused on the failure of self, and encounter with God and the desire for His glory and will as one spends time knowing who He is.
So here it is:



Told to boldly come to the throne of grace,
but run back to my life with such a haste

that should I truly encounter God,
I would know nothing of His heart, His thought.

To admit I'm weak - that I need You
In my pride I just can't do

But when I sit or stand or kneel,
allow my thoughts and tongue to heel
My God You become more beautiful to me,
And for a moment I can see

Through the trials, the hard things that come
I'm not sure how but Your will be done

So take my will and make it Yours,
let not your commands be a chore

In Your presence I'm made whole
Glory to You forevermore!

Emotions and Spirituality

This week has been an interesting one for me, situations and circumstances that have caused me to reflect and have showed me where I have put my trust.

Often our initial emotional reactions to issues or circumstances are much more accurate in showing what we believe than what we say we believe.

I’ve found the mantra in many churches or Christian circles to be that we can’t base our relationship with God, or situations on what we feel.  And that is true, we can’t base everything on what we’re feeling because we have a sinful nature as a base. We can very quickly become unjustly upset, angry, jealous, self-pitying feelings that often lead to sinful actions or reactions to others.

With that being said, emotions are not a bad thing. 

Jesus felt things deeply, He wept, He was anguished, He was joyful, He felt compassion.
But His emotions were surrendered to God the father.

This week I was upset about something that I said I had given to God. That I said I trusted Him with, but when push came to shove I realized that I had taken it back, my reaction told me that I didn’t believe with my heart that God is enough, that He knows what He’s doing. And I got emotional – and not in a good way… Afterwards that upset me more than the circumstances I was upset about.  I didn’t feel very good about anything.

We typically either, lash out with our emotions, leading to high tension, strife, bad things being said, or we suppress it – which allows those feelings to take root, to become part of you and to change patterns in thinking, that has the potential to come back and hurt you.

I did not want to not feel, because not feeling can be just as bad, it can lead to apathy, bitterness, neglect and in the past I have tried to suppress emotions sometimes because I thought it was ‘bad’ to be feeling something and if I tried to forget about it, it would go away, but that just gives the devil a foothold over you and time to let things get worse while they remain buried.

While I was struggling I was reminded of Psalm 62, in verse 8 it says:  “Trust in Him at all times, pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge”

This. THIS is the correct way to deal with crazy emotions, because God will not be angry at us for feeling, He knows we are not perfect, but He does want us to pour out our hearts to Him, so that He can speak to us, and say ‘it’s ok, just give it to me, I can give you peace and joy even if you’re not feeling it now’

So every time those sad, self-pitying, unbelieving thoughts popped into my head over the course of a couple days. I said “God, I am feeling this way, give me the emotions that will bring glory to you in this situation, because I know my reaction right now is not surrendered to You, it’s the enemy trying to hurt me – trying to cause sadness, jealously, and bitterness.  I know this in my head, but I still feel that way! I don’t feel faith filled, I feel doubtful and I really need help”

And you know what?! God did just what I asked Him!

And through the past week I have been able to spend a lot of time pouring my heart out to God, drawing closer in a new way and have been able to surrender and trust Him on a deeper level, that has been really sweet and special, and that feels pretty good! :) 

Sharing our lives

On Sunday night I was able to make it out to a prayer meeting/church service for the first time in about four months and let me tell you I needed it. 
To be able to just sit in God's presence with other believers without the sounds of chatting, tv shows, rap music or complaining in the background was really overwhelming. It was a peace that I've been missing out on and I still feel refreshed from it. Along with this peace of being able to pray and worship with other people, I've been sorely missing the community and relationships of having a church around me to encourage and be encouraged.

During the prayer time I felt compelled to flip open my bible to Thessalonians and read through chapter 2, and this was a total act of God because I couldn't even think of anything that's written in Thessalonians, as I'm reading - I got caught on verse 8:

"Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

I sat there for a minute and just thought about how sweet God is ! Because I have known this outpouring of love from others as God intended - friends near and far, have become like family - that I'm able to rejoice and share in the good news of the gospel with them but also to share my life with them!

It's just overwhelming, God intended for us to care for others, to share our lives with each other and be in relationship and I just really, really love that He designed it that way and am so grateful for it! 

And when I think about the friends and family I have because they have, in some way, shared God's truth with me years ago that lead me to where I am today, I'm able to rejoice in that with them but also have the joy of being able to continue to share my life with them and they with me! And, it's really an amazing blessing! :)

Cleaning out my closet

Last week I decided to try and get ahead on Spring cleaning by de-cluttering my closet. Now there's something you have to understand about me, I haven't grown since I was about 14 >> fast forward 7 years to now, yes, that means that I can still fit into most of the clothes that I've had since and all the way through high school, that's a lot of clothes. And whenever I think about it I feel such a sense of guilt at the abundance I have when I've met and known people who have very little. But that's not the point of this post.

While I was sitting on my floor sorting through my clothes I went through my closet and did a general sweep of things with holes that I could for sure get rid of, things that my sister might like and could grow into, things that I wear occasionally but don't come out often were sent to the back if I ever do pull them out. That was step one.
Step two: go through my drawers one by one --- the sweaters, the pj's, the shorts, the t-shirts that I've accumulated from various sports and school events, and socks- the never ending pile of socks.

Not that the order that I cleaned through my closet is all that important but as I was folding and pairing all those socks together I began to think of the very real spiritual parallel to this activity.


You see, sometimes we do this 'step one' kind of thing with Jesus.
We let him to a general sweep. Sometimes there are things in our hearts that obviously need to go - bad habits or thought patterns - and we know they're there, we know we should get rid of them.  but sometimes, like I've done with some old t-shirts I say 'oh well it's not so bad I'll just wait until it actually needs to be thrown out and keep it around a little bit longer, it's really not a big deal.' And if we're talking about t-shirts, maybe it really isn't - but if we're talking about our hearts that is not a good attitude to have before the Lord.


But I desire for myself and for others to have a 'step two' kind of relationship with him. The kind where I let him into each drawer, each area of my life and let Him search through and say '"Hey, you're clinging onto this old shirt , you know it's no longer appropriate to wear if you're wanting to clothe yourself in righteousness...and it has holes. Yes, you can still fit into it, you could still wear it, but it is not what I would have for you. Are you willing to give it up?"

*Whew, wow!*

When we allow God to do this in our lives He will put His finger on things, things we may never consider or think of as a big deal, and it's always our choice to surrender those things, but God wants to clean out the closet of our hearts, He wants into each drawer, each area of our lives and He wants more than just Spring cleaning.

Illustrated verse

I've been doing more illustrated verses lately and wanted to share this one.  
I wanted to be intentional about how it was designed. 

Typically when I do this kind of art it's 'pretty' looking but because of the nature of the verse and the reality that taking up your cross is not easy (or pretty) it often looks harsh, but truly the joy of following God is like no other and it's so worth it! :) 

Our Identity

We often feel Our identity is wrapped up in many things, our age whether we're a teen, young adult, middle aged or in our senior years. Maybe we feel that our identities are wrapped up in what we studied at school or maybe didn't study if we've never gone to post secondary school. Our professions- people historically and presently put a good deal of our identity into what our job was/is, in fact it's where many people's last names come from (Baker, Smith etc). We often find friends based on shared hobbies we enjoy, whether that is sports, music, dance, art, learning new languages or fixing cars.

For some they would say their identity is in what their personality is like, some go by more general terms such as laid-back, easy going, serious, fun loving, or intellectual while others may try to find our who they think they are by doing personality tests - any other ISFJ's out there? ;)

While it's not wrong to identify yourself by these things  - because your profession, interests and personality type do say a lot about who we are, they are never our complete identity.

However,  we often identify ourselves by things that aren't so great too... in our deepest darkest thoughts we think that who we are is in our bad habits, our addictions, our mental illnesses, or our weaknesses, but that is exactly why Christ came to earth, so we would no longer have to only identify  as sinners and things we are not proud of  but so that we could identify with being sons and daughters of the most high king.


In the very beginning God said that we were made in His image [Genesis 1:27], that we were fearfully and wonderfully made [Psalm 139:14], to those who believe He has given us the right to become a Child of God [John 1:12], We are a temple of the holy spirit [1 Corinthians 6:19], we are His workmanship [Ephesians 2:10] and we have been justified and redeemed [Romans 3:24]!!!



So what does all this mean? Yes, it is SO amazing to think about but what do we do with it in everyday life?

I used to be very different than how I am now - in who I thought I was, what I was to other people, but when I accepted Christ at seventeen and from that point forward I have noticed that who I am has changed....a lot! How I see myself, and how I relate to others, but my interests and hobbies and the things/issues I care about have changed radically. But being a Christian is not about molding our beliefs and identity to God but Him molding us into our identity in Him! 

Everyone;s lives look different, what we get up to on a day to day basis is unique and different and yet we are all called to do the same thing in Philippians 1:27 we are to "conduct ourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ"

 So whether you can interpret sign language, step dance, teach, bake, weld or play an instrument, do it all for the glory of God! Because when all else fades, when we can no longer work or dance or play soccer that is truly where our identity may be found!  :) 

More than the surface

Lately, I feel like I've had some very surface level relationships with family, friends and even, perhaps especially, with God. And I haven't really noticed it in my own life until now but I think when this happens we suffer from relational poverty.
 Lack of relationships has been studied a lot in recent years and it's been found that a lack of good, healthy, deep relationships can contribute to mental health issues, addictions, and loneliness.


Looking from it now it seems very obvious I have been craving deep conversations and heart to hearts, I want to be able to know about others and where their heart is at - the things they care deeply about and know what goes on in the day to day life of people... but closing myself off because 'everyone is too busy for me' or 'I don't really have a lot going on for anyone to ask/care about what's happening in my heart'  crying out: 'where did my best friends go? Do I really know them anymore? Do they know me?'


It's a very painful reality - and I have been on the other side of this - where I volunteered in college - you could sometimes see the same questions coming from the people who came into the drop in and I desperately wanted to let them know that "'I'm here - I care for you, I want to know you, I want to know about your life, I want a more than surface relationship with you"'

As I am writing this I am just in awe of how much this reflects what God's heart is for us. God wants to know us, and have heart to hearts and be involved in our lives, he wants more than just a surface relationship.


Sadly, this is not what things have been like between myself and God lately. It's been kinda tough as my job has me working every Sunday I no longer get to go to church, to meet with other believers and most of my good friends live a good distance away so I have closed myself off for the most part. But in my heart I'm crying out .. and now on my blog I'm typing it.

Yes, things have been pretty surface lately.  Yea.. I pray for other people.. for 10 minutes...and I honestly do care for them and their situation and mean it - but getting involved with my own heart...Sorry-not-sorry, but I don't really want to go there today... And yea, I have been reading my bible most days.. but I don't want to get too close...  because hey, things are decent on the surface!

When I have prayed about things in my own life I cried to God  " Tell me what the next step is, but don't tell me what to do"  "Take this from me, I don't want it!"  but I didn't want to give myself. 

And that has been my issue lately, trudging along, wanting God to do things in my life, wanting to have this intimacy but not allowing it to happen for whatever reason... because of sin in my life?  because I want to have a pity party some days? Because I've been putting my trust in human relationships and being disappointed? I'm sure others have been in this situation to and had similar reasons.
But this whole time my heart has been desperately longing for this intimacy, God just had to make me realize it by mirroring it in my relationships with others to draw me back close and to have this heart to heart and be transparent with God again!

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, Lord, I will seek.

~Psalm 27:8~

*Originally this was just going to be for me to type to get things out, to be honest with God.
 I didn't have intentions of publishing this post, but I feel that it could be helpful to someone else, so here it is.

Reconcile and redeem

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how God is going to make everything new and His amazing ability to redeem and reconcile anything and everything! 

 I've been in awe of how God plans on redeeming creation - in Revelation 21 , John writes that "I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and first earth had passed away.."   This is following the second coming of Jesus but it just astounds me. I think this earth is beautiful and gorgeous NOW, even though it's fallen even though there is sickness and death upon it. And He's going to make a new one. But something I had never really thought about was the 'new heaven' - Why I wonder does God need to make a new heaven, that is where God already dwells but  He's going to make a new heaven for us to spend eternity there with Him! Wow!

Along the same lines, God is able to reconcile everything that we give to Him  - recently He has been doing just that in my own life, as I surrender things that hurt to let go of - yet hurt more to carry - He has been able to start a miraculous healing where I know otherwise I would be bitter, grumpy, sad about it I can rejoice because well...God is good! It has been really neat in my own life to see how God brings it about and I'm excited to see what else He is going to do as I give things to Him and turn from things that I know haven't been in their right place. 

 And He can do this in all things, whether that's relationships with others, our attitudes, the use of resources, talents and time. God WANTS to reconcile and redeem what we give to Him, to help return it to what it should be - in heaven and on earth- for His glory!

For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him [Jesus],  and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.Colossians 1: 19-20