The past couple weeks God has been convicting me in some areas of my life and asking me to take action and let some things go. And I've been fighting, telling myself that my sins aren't really that bad (in comparison to others), I've ignored my own personal convictions. Because when I'm not actively pursuing God, not focused on Him, sin looks really attractive and is tempting.
I've had to be be honest with myself, and learn to understand that I and every one else have weaknesses, We all have one (or a couple) things that would immediately come to mind here and it really does affect my (and your) relationship with God.
So this week I asked Him for the strength to give up those things and to turn away from them. And I felt an incredible weight off of my heart and so much freedom, freedom to be joyful (after some tears) and spend time in God's presence rather than trying to 'hide' from Him and be half-hearted in my worship
"Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed" -John 8:36
Those were the words from scripture I kept thinking about that day - I had resolved (for the past couple weeks) to get right and honest with God and myself, but like New year's resolutions, convictions can start to slip away awfully quickly, and the temptation to turn and run away from God again was there because well honestly, it's just really hard to let go.
The next day, after my talk with God and personal reflection, I was packing some grapes in my lunch for work and...well... the grapes had maybe been in the fridge too long and dried out... because when I went to pull them off the stem they just fell off. I barely had to touch them, let alone put in the effort to pull them away.
Suddenly this strange little picture hit me, and made me think of Jesus' illustration of being the Vine in John 15.
I realized that my intentions were to stick to my resolve on my own, with no one's help. That I was so much like that little grape, falling right off the vine because it was dehydrated - and not asking the one who has living water (Always and in abundance) to keep me attached to the Vine. And so that morning as I packed my lunch I asked God for help - to keep me close, to abide in me. I had no other words because I knew if I didn't I would fall (again) without much prodding.
The rest of this week has been pretty amazing! Each day God has been keeping me close and giving me a verse that has been so encouraging, that I've been able to meditate on and focus on Him rather than other things.
Yesterday He gave me a verse from Psalm 27: [13]
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"
And God really does intend good things for us! This verse made me think about even though it can be painful to surrender things to Him, that it doesn't seem like giving it up IS a good thing, it is for our ultimate good in this lifetime and the next!
Earlier in this Psalm in verses 4 & 5 it says:
"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock."
I love that David - in dwelling in the house of the Lord and in seeking Him is 'Confident, that he will see the goodness of the Lord' Because it's SO true because God ''rewards those who diligently seek Him''! [Hebrews 11:6].
The last thing I want to add is another verse that God gave me today which was 2 Corinthians 13:5: "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test?"
So I would encourage everyone to examine themselves and surrender to God those things He may be asking you to no longer ignore in your life, to earnestly seek Him and that you too will see His goodness! :)
